


Here Without You

by cat_anacatarina



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 09:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15167258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_anacatarina/pseuds/cat_anacatarina
Summary: Jaebum tried to hold on to the good memories... He did...But even then came a time tht not even that memories could make him feel alive.





	Here Without You

_**When you feel like there's nothing left, you try to hold on to memories...  
**_ _**The memories of those days where sincere smiles could be displayed, playful touches could be felt, caresses were given, giggles could be heard and promises of eternal love seemed real...** _

 

There were things Jaebum couldn't forget. Things that were stuck in his mind every day, every hour, every minute.  
He wished so many times to forget, for his own good, but he just couldn't.  
His smile still lingered in his mind.  
His smell still remained in their shared bedroom. In their bed. In his pillow, that Jaebum smelled everyday. He could still smell him, and feel him, somehow.  
The sound of his voice was still heard by Jaebum, although he seemed to be forgetting it as time went by. And how he used to love the sound of his voice, and the sound of his laugh.  
Their friends tried so many times to make Jaebum forget, but he wouldn't. He couldn't... He didn't want to.  
“ _It's too soon”_   he would always say. _“I can't let go”_  
He would always receive pitiful looks from their friends, but he tried really hard to assure them that he was okay.  
Jaebum pretended to be strong, but at night, while holding onto his pillow, he would cry himself to sleep.

 

“ _Hey! Mind if I sit here?” a man approached him and pointed to the vacant sit next to him._  
“ _Huhmm... sure” Jaebum replied while looking at him and analyzing his appearance. The other was shorter than him, but well-built, and definitely very handsome. He was wearing a black long sweater and a pair of dark grey skinny jeans, that fitted his thick thighs perfectly. He had blond hair, beautiful deep brown eyes, and the most perfect pair of lips that Jaebum had ever laid his eyes on._  
“ _Name is Jackson” the blond male broke the silence and Jaebum looked at him. Jackson smiled at him and reached out his hands towards JB._  
“ _Jaebum” he answered and took the other's hand in his own.  
__Both boys fell into silence, and as their hands touched, they both felt as if electricity was running through their bodies. They remained like that, sitting on a couch holding each other's hand._

  _That was their first meeting._

 

 

JB turned on his side in bed and inhaled the sweet scent that was still on the other's pillow. His scent was slowly fading, and it made him even more desperate.  
He sighed and let a tear fall from his eye.  
“Why?!” he questioned weakly. “Why?! Why did it have to be like this?”

 

 

_The second time they met was by pure chance. An encounter of destiny, if you believe in destiny that is._  
_Jaebum was out with his best friend, Jinyoung, and they had decided to take a small walk on a park near Jaebum's house.  
_ _Jinyoung was talking about a boy he had recently met, and was obviously interest in, but Jaebum wasn't listening not even half of what the other was saying. He had a “problem” of his own. Since he had first met Jackson, he couldn't stop thinking about him. Well, that wasn't his problem, of course. The problem was that he had no way to contact the other boy._

 

“ _JB! Are you listening to me?!” Jinyoung angrily questioned the older boy._  
“ _Huh?!” Jaebum shook his head, as if to wake up from the daydream he was having, and turned to look at his best friend._  
“ _I was talking about Mark” he pouted._  
“ _Who's Mark?!”_  
“ _Have you not been listening to me, Jaebum?” the younger boy stopped walking and looked at his friend with his mouth hanging open. He crossed his arms and sighed. “What a friend you are...”_  
“ _I'm sorry Junior. I... it's just I have something on my mind” Jaebum replied apologetically._  
_He started walking towards a bench with his hands in his pockets, and once he reached it he sat down looking around, without really looking at something in particular. It looked like he was in a complete different dimension._  
_Jinyoung made his way to him and sat down next to him, looking at him worriedly._  
“ _Are you okay?” he asked while biting at his lip. It was something that Jinyoung did when he was worried or pensive._  
“ _I don't know” he replied simply. “I don't really know”_  
_Jinyoung looked at him, analyzing his best friend's features. “Wanna talk?”_  
“ _I met someone...” he said looking in his direction, and Jinyoung cocked his eyebrow. “The problem is... I don't think I'll see him again”_  
“ _Why do you say that?”_  
“ _We didn't exchanged phone numbers and I only know his first name”_  
“ _Ooh that sucks JB”_  
“ _Yeah... No shit! And I dunno...” he sighed and looked at the ground._  
“ _And?!” Junior inquired._  
“ _And... it's stupid”_  
“ _What's stupid?!”_  
“ _I... I felt something. It was... I dunno. A feeling. When we touched it felt like I had electricity running through my whole body. It felt... kinda right.” he explained, looking at his friend once again._  
_Jinyoung smiled encouragingly at him and squeezed his hand._  
“ _Is he pretty?”  
_ “ _Oah Gosh, very!” JB smiled. “He has such beautiful eyes. And those lips. Damn, those lips were made for kissing” his smile grew wider._

 

 _The smell of flowers and rain started floating through the air, and the wind started blowing, the tree branches started shaking and leaves and small petals danced around on the ground._  
_Both friends sat in silence, absorbing their surroundings and enjoying the strange, but pleasant weather._  
“ _What's his name?” Jinyoung broke their silence._  
“ _Jackson” Jaebum let the name roll out of his tongue like it was a song._  
“ _Jaebum?!” a new voice was heard and when JB lifted his head it was like a dream.  
__There before him was his dream._

 

 

Jaebum shot up in bed, panting and sweating heavily.  
Sometimes he hated when he dreamed and remembered things so in detail. But he also loved it at the same time. It was such a bittersweet feeling.  
He hated it mainly because he craved so much for reality. He craved for that to be his reality once again... but it couldn't be.

 

   
_His cellphone rang and he ran at light speed to it, almost falling midway, but he managed to safely grab it._  
_A smile spread on his lips as he read who the text he received was from. “Jackie”._  
_He opened the text message :_  
“I'm feeling pretty bored today. I am actually craving for some Starbucks, but it totally sucks to go get it alone. Sooooo, be my company” it said.  
He quickly typed his reply, and made his way to the Starbucks they always went to.

 

 

Jaebum pulled his scarf over his face and stared at the coffee shop's sign. He remained there looking at the coffee shop for a while, letting the cold breeze hit his face.  
He closed his eyes and walked away.

 

 

“ _What are you doing?!” Jaebum questioned while laughing._  
“ _Nothing” Jackson replied. He had been staring at JB for over ten minutes, and honestly Jaebum found it extremely amusing._  
Every time Jaebum's eyes fell on Jackson, the younger boy would turn around and blush.  
“ _What do you mean nothing? You've been staring at me for God knows how long” he chuckled_  
_Jackson coughed awkwardly and turned his eyes to the movie once again._  
“ _It's nothing” he whispered._  
Jaebum couldn't help a huge smile from forming on his face as he saw the other's flustered expression.

 

 

On his way home from work, he decided to make a small stop at a coffee shop and drink a cup of hot chocolate since it had been so cold lately. He entered the shop, placed his order and went to look for a place to sit once he had is order, he sat down and looked out of the window.  
It would rain soon, but he enjoyed the rain, specially while drinking hot chocolate.  
A smiling couple made his way inside, and he couldn't help but stared at them. They looked so happy... so in love. Like him and Jackson. He stared at the happy couple for minutes, until he finished his drink.  
He slowly made his way home, feeling small drops of rain wetting his face, he took the opportunity and let some tears join along.

 

 

“ _You know something?” Jackson re-started their conversation._  
“ _What?” Jaebum asked while taking a gulp from his drink._  
“ _You are beautiful” Jackson said and JB stopped moving. He placed his cup on the table and looked at Jackson._  
“ _What?!” he repeated his previous question._  
“ _You're beautiful” Jackson leaned closer to him and slowly connected their lips, tasting Jaebum's lips for the first time._  
_The kiss was so gentle, slow and passionate, that their hearts were beating so fast and strongly.  
__Jackson slowly pulled away a few seconds later. He looked at Jaebum's face, as if scared of his reaction, JB smiled and said. “Finally you made up your mind”_

 

 

Jaebum let his finger touch his lips, trying to recall the feeling of the other's lips on his own, but his touch couldn't compare to Jackson's soft lips. He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, letting more tears fall until he exhausted himself to sleep.

 

The next day his eyes were sore and swollen, but that seems to have had become a routine for him. There wasn't a single day that he wouldn't cry.  
It was yet, another cold day, and Jaebum was laying on his bead curled in a blanket.  
A dark velvet box laid beside him, and his finger lazily felt the soft material.  
He opened it and inside there were two rings.  
Their rings lay now in that velvet box, cold, just like his heart.  
Jaebum couldn't get rid of the two objects just yet, they were far too important for him, and far too personal. Throwing them away wasn't something that he could do.  
“It hurts too much” he thought while holding onto the box. “Why does it hurt?!” he clenched the velvet object against his chest, like it was his heart he was holding.  
He placed the box in his bedside table and got up from their bed, he made his way to his bathroom and undressed himself.  
His clothes were thrown carelessly to the floor as he made his way to the bathtub, laying inside he turned the water on and washed away his body.  
“If only I could wash away my memories” he cried.

 

“Jaebum... it's been eight months” Jinyoung said sadly.  
Jinyoung knew his friend was hurting. He understood that. But he couldn't bear to see him destroy himself.  
The older boy barely ate, drank or slept. He was as thin as a wall, and barely could stand up straight,  
“I know” the boy's voice was as weak as his physical state. “I know Junior. But... I love him” he whispered the last part, as a new round of tears started spilling from his tired eyes.  
That night Jaebum fell asleep peacefully while holding to their rings.

 

 

  **Jaebum tried to hold on to the good memories... He did...  
** **But even then came a time where not even that memories could make him feel alive.  
** **The smiles would disappear, the touches would slowly fade from his memory, the laughs couldn't be heard anymore, and the kisses and caresses would slip entirely from his memory.  
** **Jaebum knew that he could no longer have him. It was not possible.  
****Jackson was gone... And along with him so did his heart and soul, and now his life.**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware that not everyone likes angst stories, but I really wanted to make this angsty Jackbum/Jaeson.  
> I really hope you enjoy this though, and if you would like to comment about it I would appreciate it very much ^_^
> 
> Please keep in mind that English is not my first language, so I apologize if there are mistakes.


End file.
